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生活,时而是一片破碎的冰湖,时而是一汪清泉。生活中的人似乎都在隐忍,又在积聚后大爆发。我们,生活在大环境下,人群中,一言不发,各怀心事,各自独行穿梭。

我是独孤琈,尘世人群中极小的微粒。虽然,有亲情与友情,但人生的孤独感是不可抛却,如影随形。不知在青春的某个节点,渐渐懂得越长大越孤单。也不知何时起,心情不好时喜欢静静地仰望天空,让心自由、放空片刻。

此刻的我,如往常一样在我安稳的小屋内望着窗外阴霾的天空,心中期待着一场春雨的到来,待它将天空洗净,天空便会重生般绽放晴天,碧空万里,风轻云淡。在这样快节奏、日新月异的时代,慢慢捕捉自然万物,四季的流转,刻意减慢日月消逝的速度,黑白一日的反复,好像可以安抚一下内心的局促不安、彷徨与失意。

在我个人的世界里,我仿佛更喜欢与内心另外两个灵魂对话,这应该不算人格分裂,她们中的一个理智,另一个浮躁,是两个对立体,而我就像她们的服从者夹在中间,时而犹豫,时而也受气。偶尔也会在她们吵的不可开交时做调解,但有时也会觉得,相对于内心中的她们,我这个主体依然独自承受孤独与虚无。

我明白,人越来越情绪化不能避免,随着年龄增长,情绪反而更不稳定。我看了一眼手机上显示的日期,原来这是月经将要来临前的浮躁,怪不得心情压抑。

在周末,我习惯将手机调成静音,看到手机屏幕亮起,是竹玹发来的语音,“独孤,我收拾好了,正要出门。”

“好,我马上出门。”

竹玹是我从小玩到大的好闺蜜,她比我小几个月,在很多方面都比我成熟有见解,亦师亦友,很多时候,尤其是在我犹豫不决时,更信赖她给我的建议,而不是我自己的主意,我很清楚我自己的局限,向来当局者迷,旁观者清。

在这间充满情怀的咖啡馆内,暖黄色的灯光给人一种安静祥和的安抚,很多在城市打拼的年轻人,很愿意在这里度过一个安静的下午。

我和竹玹都不是喜爱逛街的人,周末的时候,我俩偶尔约在这里坐着聊聊天,放松一下身心。大多时候,竹玹会忙工作,我只会把自己封闭在我小小的安稳窝里,享受工作之余的自由散漫。

竹玹面带笑容走了进来,径直来到我们常坐的靠窗位置,她看了看我手中的咖啡,皱眉说道:“你怎么不尝试着换换口味呢?”

“还是这种口味更得我心,不过我给你换了口味,你尝尝。”

竹玹品尝了一小口,笑着说:“还不错,昨天晚上太困了,手机忘了充电,关机了,醒来一看,都快中午了。”

“你的确该好好休息休息,我们现在年龄渐长,精神也没以前好了。”

竹玹轻叹道:“是啊,不知不觉已经过了二十五,一眨眼就奔三十。我的青春就这样一去不复返了……”说着,竹玹拉起我的手对我说:“独孤啊,你再不谈恋爱,就真的老了,你尝试着去谈谈,给你平淡的生活添点色彩。”

“在最美的青春没有机会,这能有什么办法。而现在,好像更没有什么机会……”

“是你不给别人机会吧……晚熟的小朋友……”

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