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第70章 石器时代发布会(对阵公牛)(2 / 2)

加入书签 | 推荐本书 | 问题反馈 |

- 【解锁新技能“文明断层”(使对手某一项技术短暂退化)】

- 【恶名值+300,芝加哥市长公开呼吁“禁止原始人装备”】

纽约泥板战争(预热篇)

1. 纽约媒体的狂怒

本小章还未完,请点击下一页继续阅读后面精彩内容!《纽约邮报》头版用血红大字标题咆哮:“底特律野蛮人挑衅文明世界!”配图是罗德曼在芝加哥发布会上摔碎黏土板的瞬间,编辑还“贴心”地P上了尼克斯队徽被踩在兽皮脚下的画面。

ESPN的斯蒂芬·A·史密斯在节目上拍桌怒吼:“这是对篮球之都的宣战!帕特里克·尤因会用他的大肘子教罗德曼什么叫真正的‘石器时代’!”

而罗德曼的回应?——他连夜注册了推特账号(@CavemanRodman),第一条推文就是一张PS过的照片:尤因穿着兽皮裙,手里举着木棍,配文:“纽约恐龙博物馆新展品,门票:一场惨败。”

2. 尼克斯更衣室的“考古发现”

比赛前夜,尼克斯球员发现更衣室里摆着三块“出土文物”:

- 一块刻有**“1993年东部决赛G5”**的泥板(尼克斯被公牛淘汰的关键战)

- 尤因大学时代被奥拉朱旺打爆的青铜浮雕

- 最损的是一卷仿制羊皮纸,标题《论中锋的灭绝》,内容全是尤因季后赛关键球失手的统计表

斯塔克斯气得一脚踢碎泥板,结果鞋底黏上了罗德曼特制的史前胶水——第二天热身时,他每跑一步都会发出“咯吱咯吱”的响声,像极了原始人的草鞋。

3. 麦迪逊花园的“原始入侵”

入场时,罗德曼身披完整版“兽王皮肤”:

- 染成血红色的莫西干头插着真正的羽毛(系统兑换的“酋长威慑”道具)

- 腰间挂着仿制骨锤,锤头刻着纽约地标“被砸烂版”

- 最绝的是护膝上贴着荧光贴纸,黑暗中出现“WELCOME TO JURASSIC PARK”(欢迎来到侏罗纪公园)

当DJ喊出他名字时,罗德曼突然冲向技术台,把一袋“化石”倒在地上——全是迷你橡胶恐龙玩具,每只背上都贴着尼克斯球员号码。现场镜头精准捕捉到尤因铁青的脸。

4. 尤因的“反考古学”

跳球前,尤因从裤兜掏出一把考古刷子扔给罗德曼:“给你,专业工具更适合你。”没想到罗德曼当场用刷子给尤因的球鞋抛光,还吹了声口哨:“服务到位!原始人也要讲究卫生!”

当尤因在低位要球时,罗德曼突然用考古刷轻搔他的后颈。尼克斯中锋痒得手一抖,球直接被托马斯抄走。裁判没看到小动作,尤因只能对着回放屏幕怒吼:“这他妈是挠恐龙呢?!”

5. 系统的新玩具

第二节暂停时,罗德曼花费500恶名值兑换了**“声波骨笛”**——一种能发出次声波的史前乐器。只要尼克斯球员罚球,他就装模作样吹奏,实际是触发系统干扰:

- 斯塔克斯两罚全失,赛后承认“听到奇怪的蜂鸣声”

- 奥克利第二罚时突然弯腰系鞋带,其实是躲避骨笛的声波攻击

当裁判终于没收骨笛时,罗德曼委屈地抗议:“这是7000年前的文化遗产!”而笛子内侧刻着的小字曝光后引发更大笑声:**“吹响此笛可召唤乔丹的眼泪”**

6. 终极大杀器:灭绝名单

比赛最后两分钟,罗德曼从袜子里抽出一卷树皮纸,当众宣读:

**“根据底特律原始人部落研究,以下尼克斯球员已被列为濒危物种:**

1. 尤因(因进化停滞)

2. 斯塔克斯(因脑容量过小)

3. 奥克利(因攻击性过强遭自然淘汰)”

尼克斯替补席集体暴走,三名助教冲上场追打罗德曼。而活塞坏小子们早已准备好“灭火器”——其实是系统出品的**“原始烟雾弹”**(100%无害但恶臭),整个球场瞬间弥漫着腐肉般的气味。

裁判被迫中止比赛5分钟,而罗德曼蹲在技术台上对镜头比V字:“环保提示:灭绝动物请先预约!”

【本章终极彩蛋】

赛后发布会上,尤因面前的矿泉水瓶被换成石制酒杯,杯底刻着:**“喝吧,这是你最后的晚餐。”** 当愤怒的“大猩猩”举起石杯要砸时,发现杯底还粘着一张字条:**“摔碎即承认自己属于石器时代。”**

他的手悬在空中整整十秒,最终在哄笑声中放下杯子。这一刻,系统提示在罗德曼脑海炸开:

**【成就解锁:让对手在发布会上使用石器容器】**

**【获得限定皮肤“恐龙驯兽师”(对传统中锋威慑力+30%)】**

(真正的纽约大战,才刚刚开始……)

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