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第六十九章 有何不同(1 / 1)

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有一种压抑,是家和人明明在身边,却总是无话可说;

又有一种多情,是明明不相干的两个人,却会互相理解,犹如在冰冷的空间取暖。

忘记一段深情,使人呼吸下去,却觉得自己失去了什么,而念起一段不可追忆的年,更加心如刀割。

……

这个世界本不存在正常人和异常人,只是有的人把自己的恶趣味隐藏起来,另一种人无所谓在人面前任性地展现自我,久而久之,前一种人就变得越来越乏味,后一种人变得越来越自私。

之所以人与人之间还是愿意分为三六九等,这也是符合自己天性的一种恶趣味吧。

不同不代表没用,因而我觉得那些所谓“正常人”的群体没必要排挤异类,可是事实不是这样,我只能,把人类社会的一切矛盾与罪恶,大体上归结于空间不足,剩下的,多是自身由于感到无聊而衍生出的恶趣味。

也许你会觉得世界很大,想去走走看看,但是很多个“你”在做的事,也不过是在这个很大很拥挤的世界里,艰难地生存着。

找一个人取暖,我身边有的人觉得没有必要,这原因,这里头多是夹杂着许多个人的恐惧,或者迷惘,或者无知和任性。我想的多一些,知道自己不是能够坚定的年纪,说出的话只会被当做玩笑,所以我不愿深究生命的真相,毕竟,我是死过一次的了,那种被无尽的灰暗吞噬的无力感,我不愿一次次去体会。而对于我的人生阅历来说,极度的绝望和盲目的希望都要调配得刚刚好。

这并不是说,我在做那个决定之前,战胜了死亡的恐惧,在选择活下来之后,我找到了生的意义,从而变成一个坚定不移的人。事实上,我很害怕死亡之后要面对的未知寂灭,我也很厌弃这无用的人生,以至于许多人觉得我是异常的。

但我心里就是觉得自己不该是非正常的,也不该受到这样的诋毁,更不该以终结来印证生命的“真谛”。我知道自己不是唯一一个被内心的灰暗所囚禁的人,如今来形容的话,那就像困进了一个无穷无尽的梦魇,那是一个连时间都变沉重的枷锁,一个无尽轮回,明明没有崩溃,可是脸上的悲喜渐渐变成呆滞,目光变得空洞。

一个人做自杀的决定,内心必然经受过无数痛苦的煎熬,最终,到了一个边缘时候,绝望和求生两种极强的欲望同时在身上来回搏斗,最终,他会做出选择……

我相信,死过一次,对于不懂得活着的人来说,未必都是坏事,况且年轻人很多并不懂得怎么彻底了结自己的生命,最终他们多数会活下去,反正都已经“死过”了,也无所谓接下来依然要面对这无用人生,因而他们可能会比任何人都坦然地面对自己的生命,包括之后的起起伏伏。

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