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第九章 离家出走(1 / 2)

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这句话像一根导火索,将妈妈最后一点理智烧成了灰烬。妈妈一边歇斯底里地吼叫着,一边握着伞柄狠狠地打我。我护着脑袋蜷缩在地上,密密麻麻的力道毫不留情地落在我的后背、大腿和肩膀。

“我们的老脸都被你给丢尽了!你哭什么?你还有脸哭?早晚把我们一个个都哭死了剩你一个人了,你就高兴了是不是!”

爸爸这回也破天荒地没有拉架,没有冲到我和我妈中间做和事佬——因为那一刻的他,和我妈持相同立场,他们都打心眼里希望从来没有生过我。我求助地望向爸爸,却迎上爸爸厌恶的眼神。我知道,那一刻我对他寒了心,他也对我寒了心。

我姥姥是个慈祥的老太太,是整个大家庭里为数不多愿意施舍些温暖给我的人。她经常语重心长地劝我妈对我好点儿,却又总是在我犯错的时候冷冰冰地叹着气说道,“孩子从小就得养到自个儿跟前,被别人养大的孩子跟我们自己家的孩子脾气秉性就是不一样。”就像这一刻,在姥姥冷冰冰的眼神里,我又成了被别人养大的不成器的孩子。可是,姥姥显然忘记了,被谁养大由不得我选。

妈妈歇斯底里的样子将妹妹吓坏了,她看着地上的我,哭着跑上来拽住妈妈——妹妹向来如此,她总是在我妈打我的时候添油加醋,又总是在我快被打死的时候哭唧唧地为我求情。看够热闹的婶婶和堂姐她们也拥过来劝架,做足了好人。

平日里,我是最没种的孩子,一挨打先认错,哪怕有的时候我并不知道自己错在哪里。我会像一只狗一样讨好地叫着,“别打我了,我知道错了,我改了!”看得出来,妈妈一如既往地等着我乞尾求怜,那是毒打结束的闭幕式。可我这次始终没有如她所愿。我蜷在地上,咬着牙机械地承受着雨伞的力道,有些木然地想:求求你,大发慈悲打死我吧。

或许是打累了,又或许是对我彻底失望了。我妈看着地上的我,突然扔下雨伞坐在地上嚎啕大哭起来。我拖着遍体鳞伤的身体颤巍巍地站起来,冷冷地看了她一眼,转身走进了房间。

身上大大小小的伤口让我疼得难以入睡,就在我迷迷糊糊快睡着的时候,我突然感觉有一双凉凉的手轻轻抚了抚我的额头。我知道,这个人是我妈——打一巴掌给颗糖,是她的一贯作风,尤其是对我。我突然很想坐起来问问她,打完我有没有一丁点的后悔。

从小到大,我一惹我妈生气,她就拿出一个破布包收拾我的衣服。一边收拾,一边恶狠狠地吓唬我说,这个家容不下你了,你自己看看谁能当你爹娘,你就跟人家住了去吧!每当这时,我便哇哇大哭——那是一种本能的对被抛弃的恐惧感。我有预感,总有一天我会被亲情抛弃,所以我决定先抛弃它。

那天,天还没亮,我便收拾了几件衣服、偷了二百块钱走了出去。离开的时候,惊动了我们家阿宝,它冲我低低地叫了几声。阿宝是我们家的黑狗,在这个家里,它和我一样不受宠。看着它温顺湿润的大眼睛,我决定带它一起走——不是它需要我,而是我需要它。

无知者无畏,这五个字送给那个时候的我最适合不过了。就那样,我揣着二百块钱,牵着一条狗走上了去省城的路。或许,在坐上大巴车的那一瞬间,我便后悔了。但是,我已经没了退路——我偷了钱,不走可能还会挨打。

下了车,我牵着阿宝漫无目的地走在车水马龙的大街上,心里一片荒芜。来来往往的车辆吓到了阿宝,它的喉咙里发出呜呜的声音,圆圆的眼睛里写满了恐惧。在这一片陌生的繁华里,我也害怕。我突然无比悲催地意识到,我还没有强大到可以逃离。

实际上,我和阿宝在省城流浪到第二天的时候,已经待不下去了。在找到工作之前,我花光了身上所有的钱。我们饿着肚子,在小公园里过夜,在公交站牌下过夜,甚至在公共厕所里过夜。和其他流浪狗一样,阿宝的鼻子开始往垃圾筒里伸。路边一有人吃着东西经过,阿宝便急匆匆地冲上去围着人家转。我们像乞丐一样,受尽了白眼。

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